Warning: Dangerous and Irresponsible Threats to Our Children!

Who Will Think of the Children?

With the ever-present threat of the present generation descending into madness and chaos, why has no one stood talk to fight the modern fascination with pirates? This cultural threat, known to those few who have kept up with the well being of the young as "The Bucaneer Invasion Of The Children's Hearts" (or BIOTCH), has long been ignored.

No more!

It began with the supposedly innocous Pirates of the Caribbean movie from that hive of villainy, Disney. They knew what they were beginning! To think of it, glamorizing the profession of Henry Morgan, Blackbeard, and William Kidd! Rape? Pillage? Rum-swilling?

And just what sort of reckless behavior is it, anyway, to show zombies doing those things? Imagine if some poor child thought that he could shove items in his rib-cage with no ill effect!

But that was just the beginning. Then the previously unnoticed Talk Like A Pirate Day started getting national attention. Well-known, trusted, journalists began to lend credence of a day whose entire purpose is to twist the beauty of the english language into self-parody in an attempt to honor the righteously hanged ruffians of two centuries past.

Where, I ask you, is the consideration for society as a whole that was once so prevelant in the fourth estate?

Now, in an age where violent pirate attacks once again threaten our very way of life and walk about our streets there are those who would make a game of the pirate life! And not a farcical look at the pirate life, with true pirates as the villains, like the Gorilla Monkey Island games. Oh no.

At least Disney once had the decency to show pirates for the ruthless, murderous, drunken fools that they were, but now they wish to put the players in the boots of the thugs themselves. Buy a ship, get a crew, drink up all your parents' rum kiddos, we won't tell!

If only Disney was alone. But no, there is an even more historically accurate "game" (if a muder simulation can be called such) where you can conquer whole ports and sail the actual seas. The Pirates of the Burning Sea they call it, when it's not the flames on the water the players (and their parents) will be needing to worry about!

With these threats on the horizon, and new attempts to arrest the attention of the unwise striking at us every day, it is up to the right-thinking and moral of us to make a stand against these dangerously (and strangely) influential villains!

Please write to Fight BIOTCH and support this worthy cause! Fight the pirates!